He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
