She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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