maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
