He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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