she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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