two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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