Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
