Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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