Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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