did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
