Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
