I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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