Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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