youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
