i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You took a bar mat shot.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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