I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
