My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
