i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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