i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
