For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
