guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
