I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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