i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
