After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize