but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
