I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
