can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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