Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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