No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
