trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
