Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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