I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
