dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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