and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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