alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
