Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
