i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
