I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I understand Curling. That high.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
