I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
