Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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