I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
zippers are such a cool invention
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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