Cold hands, warm shart.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
