life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Pooping to opera.
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