No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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