I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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