Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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