I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize