come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
