i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize