I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
