I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
