I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
