Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
