dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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