I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
