she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
