So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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