I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
