After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
