I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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