i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
