Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
