I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
