Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize