Got a toothbrush?
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my being single is dangerous.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
