Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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