I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
