you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I understand Curling. That high.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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