honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
