looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it's like heaven, but drunker
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
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Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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