Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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