im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
